I recently held a discussion and book signing and during the question and answer segment of our discussion, one of the participants, the only person present with MS, asked “I’m amazed, and excited to know that after all that you have been through, you are now remarried. How did that happen, because as you said, you are worse physically today than during your first marriage? And, what changed? I mean, what was the turning point that allowed you to move forward, find happiness, and get remarried?”
Of course, I knew exactly what she meant, because at one time I had the very same concern with which she was referring. At the point that my wife first wanted to divorce, I had an inner dialogue that went something like this: “Okay Chris, you have what is now becoming severe MS, who’s going to want to marry someone with MS? No one is going to want to marry damaged goods.” I am sure that I was not the first one to ever have this inner dialogue. It’s a real fear.
I met my then wife to be, Jane, through an online dating service and she was totally aware of my disability. After we had gone on our first date I remember asking her, “Why would anyone get involved with damaged goods? Why would anyone purchase a vase with a crack in the bottom?”
Jane’s response was “Maybe, I need one to hold my dried flowers.”
All she wanted was “kindness and love” –no anger–just kindness and love. It helps that we both have the same goofy sense of humor. We laugh and laugh together and at one another all the time. Sure, I have slipped up. I get frustrated and angry. But the difference is that I have written, re-written, read and re-read my own book so many times that when I do begin to slip-up it’s so obvious that I can’t help but catch myself.
And Jane has read the book too, so when I slip up she’s quick to point out “Chris, I think you need to revisit page 52.” We have a good chuckle. Remember, life is too short. You choose whether to smile or argue.
We were married a year later in April 2008 and life is fantastic. Jane is the most wonderful, loving and caring person that I have ever known. If I had listened to my inner dialogue, I would never have met my incredibly awesome and loving wife, Jane. Never give up.
Chris Tatevosian’s book, “Life Interrupted: It’s Not all about Me,” is a candid and humble memoir about one young man’s diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and how his ‘poor-me’ attitude cost him his marriage. Chris hopes others might learn from his mistakes to communicate more effectively and not allow disability and low self-worth to destroy relationships. Chris also writes about his faith in God, and his new wife, Jane, who he married in April of 2007.”Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 5 so far )