GUEST BLOGGER: How Should the Chronically Ill Respond to Well-meaning Christians?
D
o They Even Realize What They Said?
How Should the Chronically Ill Respond to Well-meaning Christians?
It’s amazing how fellow Christians respond when you are living with chronic pain and/or invisible illness. Sometimes you wonder if they even realize what they’ve said. I’m sure we’ve all heard, the usual…
1. You don’t have enough faith.
2. I prayed for you, so you must be better.
3. Aren’t you better, YET?
4. You need to have the Pastor/Deacons lay hands on you.
5. You need to do……(whatever they decide would work at that time).
and the one that amazes me the most….
6. You have sin in your life, that’s why God can’t heal you.
Why do people think it’s “our fault” that we are not healed? Haven’t they ever read the story where the disciples asked Jesus, “Who sinned, this man or his parents?” Jesus’ response, “NEITHER! This is to bring glory to me and my Father.” Why don’t people think of this Biblical example when they have their reasons for God not healing us? Why is it always something we did or haven’t done?
Then of course there is the aspect. “It’s God’s will that you be healed.” How do they know God’s plan for my life? The Apostle Paul asked God to heal him, and God said, ‘No, it’s better that I not heal you.’
People will continue to “share” their reasons of why God hasn’t healed us. What can we do? How do we respond to the comments? Should we just stand there and scream? That’s how we often feel. No, I guess that really wouldn’t help the situation. We can smile and say nothing. Or we can simply and kindly say, “Thank you for your prayers. God has heard them. However, He has chosen at this time not to answer your requests. God has a plan for each of us, and right now this is the journey God has chosen for me. But please continue praying.” Of course, by the time you get through “thank you for praying”, they may walk away.
One important job we have is to educate more people. With National Invisible Illness Awareness Week approaching, it’s a perfect time to spread the word. Of course, some have no desire to learn, but even if one more person, that we each have contact with, learns more about invisible illnesses and pain, just think of how many that would be! Then when we saw that one person, perhaps we’d hear….”I know you are hurting, but I’m praying for you and just wanted you to know that I care.”
As for the others and their comments…all we can do is pray for them. They miss out on the blessings God showers upon us as we continue our journey to glorify Jesus and His Father.
I’m glad that NICIA Week exists because it addresses the real issues those of us with chronic illness/pain face. It gives us hope, encouragement and real-life examples of how to live our lives no matter the extent of our illness or pain. We can experience JOY!
The workshops/seminars and books offered are right on target. They give real-life solutions to everyday issues.
I’ve learned so much not only about how to live with chronic pain, but about others with various chronic illnesses and what they experience. This week is awesome as it allows others a glimpse into our lives and what we experience. It allows them to learn what we face, how we feel, and how we deal daily with our pain and illness. Through education, our friends and families know more about our struggles, our triumphs and how they can support us. NICIA Week is education, encouragement, and an enormous help to all who take part.
Rhonda’s chronic pain and illness started with a cough in Oct 2000. That cough ‘blew out a disc’ in her back and led to 7 back surgeries over the next 7 years. Due to nerve damage, she now lives in chronic pain and the inflammation of the spinal cord causes a constant headache. Rhonda lives with Max, her parakeet, who provides much laughter. An avid Football fan, she cheers for the Chicago Bears and the Florida Gators. In order to live life to the fullest with her chronic illness, Rhonda’s philosophy is “Create a positive day!”
Im glad you wrote this blog. Perhaps well Christians will read this or perhaps more Christians with chronic illnesses will read this. Both could use it. We with chronic illness have to live our lives without hinderances and without shame. Thank you for writing this column.
Carol
August 19, 2008
Great Lisa!
I appreciate your post and can truly say ‘been there, done that!’ too many times.
Harold wrote a piece that I put in the Forum called “Being a Believer & Being Sick” that points to the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus said “I was sick and you “HEALED ME?” ? No, you visited me! (check it out and read the whole thing if you get time).
Sometimes when I hear that someone was told ‘you just need more faith you would be healed’ — in response try this. Say to the well-meaning individual “You know, you are right, my faith is obviously too little to bring me a healing, so what I am going to do is let YOU pray for my healing as your’s is obviously so much greater! And then, I should be healed!”
***Smiles*** Of course, we should not do or say such a thing, but we need to remember who we answer to. If we keep our eyes on the Son, the shadows truly do fall behind us. Our goal should be to keep our eyes on Jesus, and let Him direct our steps. He will show us the reason and the purpose In His Time!
When we are walking daily with Jesus (reading the Word, praying and talking to Jesus and getting HIS perspective and direction, we will release ourselves of the need to ‘please others’ because we will know we are pleasing our Lord.
When others do not understand why we are sick, or think we could ’snap out of it’ if we tried harder, we won’t fall apart and cling desparingly for faith but rather, we will be able to hear what they say, understand that they do not understand, and we will let it roll off like water from a duck’s back. (On a good day anyhow! On a bad one, we may let it set a while, but when we stand up again, it WILL roll off!)
Jesus Christ himself, suffered much, he was beaten and misunderstood. Why should any of us expect a lighter cross to bear. We are not without sin — and the world is not what it was supposed to be — sin came in and the plan was changed — but don’t forget this one thing I know…..
God has already won the battle – it belongs to the Lord — and we are only living for a breath of time — this world is NOT our home – we are just passing through — ’soul-journer’s disease if you will’ — and when we reach Heaven it will be sweeter by far, more beautiful by far, more amazing by far than anything we could ever hope for or imagine!!!
Praise the Lord and Bless His Holy Name!!!
Let our lights shine before men so that all may see Him and come to know Him — this is our mission.
May God be glorified and may HIS NAME BE PRAISED because of the way I respond to that one who says “if you only had more faith…”
Blessings,
Shep
Shep
August 19, 2008
I think this is a very timely post. I believe churches everywhere are beginning to wonder where their flock is and we are at home because of chronic illness and pain.
For my part, I am printing this out to bring to a new group formed at my church to reach the disabled and/or homebound. I want to start a dialogue about how the church can change. I grew up in an era where it seemed only the very old were shut-in and homebound. Today, people of all ages, including children are homebound and need love and acceptance without fear of their faith being measured by their health.
Thank you.
Judith
Judith
August 19, 2008
Very good topic. A good friend of mine has
been suffering in silence and isolation with crippling depression. I just realized this Sunday when I spent the day with her. Sunday ended with her being admitted to a hospital for treatment.
Yesterday I called our church to see what they would have to offer in terms of support. We’ll be having coffee with our priest when she is out and that will be a good time to discuss this topic. I am eager to hear what he has to say. Viveca
viveca
August 19, 2008
Thanks for writing about this. I’m going to point a friend with Lupus to this. She has faced many of the comments you mentioned. I think this will encourage her that she is not alone and that there are ways to handle these comments in a more positive way.
Thanks!! Lori
Lori
August 20, 2008